So last week I went to my first "bible study" at First Baptist Church in Geneva (FBCG). It caught my attention in the bulletin at church on Sunday. I feel stuck in many places in my life...my marriage, my health, work, my purpose, my faith....I immediately felt like I wasn't alone as we started sharing our stories and watching
Jennie Allen's DVD study and reading through her book "Stuck". The two leaders were amazing! Cindy and Colleen shared their stories and that they weren't always believers as well. I met them at Panera this morning since I can't make it this week because of work (which I'm really bummed about). We talked some more and they listened and prayed for me. What an amazing feel. I walked out of there feeling so joyful and blessed that we met this morning and truly believe they care about me and want to help me along this journey.
I grew up Catholic, was married in a Catholic church, my Grandma Isabel was very Catholic. She helped me learn the "Our Father", she made me a rosary for my First Communion, she bought me a bible and nativity set. I know she had a strong believe and was ready to go to Heaven when it was her time. I know she prayed for me and our family. I went to the Women's Conference at FBCG where
Vicki Courtney talked about her books "Ever After" and "Move On" where we need to share our messes. She had an abortion and once she shared it with 3 of her closest friends she realized they did as well. "Ever After" is about how we grow up reading books and watching movies thinking we all live happily ever after, but we need to work hard in our marriage to actually make that happen. Vicki was telling the Grandparents to continue praying for for their grandchildren because it really does work and I felt my Grandma and missed her so much at that moment. I truly believed I was there because of her.
I remember my Mom always made us go to church which is part of why I didn't like it. I also never understand everything in the Bible and still don't. Who is God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit? Is he a real person? Is he like Santa Claus where we just Believe but don't really know. Today Cindy explained it that God isn't a human, so he sent down a part of him, Jesus, since that is what we need to see and to believe. Jesus gave up his life for each and every one of us. Sometimes this sounds hokey and I'm not sure I believe it, but again, Cindy said once you believe, you'll know He's in your heart.
Anyways, I left today wanting to remember this feeling of Joy. The pain in my back disappeared (now it's back as I type). I wanted to write in a journal, but figured I would write to blog about it. Rather than share on my person blog, I'd start a new one. I'm not sure if I'll keep it private or public. Cindy and Colleen said they prayed for me to come into their group even though I may not be able to make it every week and I truly believe that.
I started going to FBCG in November. Some friends go and I wanted to check it out. The word Baptist scared me because I'm not sure exactly what that means, but I immediately felt connected and like a part of their community. I think I cry every time I go. It's a good cry, a happy cry, not a sad cry. I love to listen to the music and sing along...very powerful singing in a room of people "I Believe..."
I took Rosie for a walk this morning when I got back and love this beautiful spring day. There are buds on the trees and I noticed each and every one and took it all in.
I never liked when people talked about God or tried to push it down your throat maybe because my Mom always made us go to church. I won't make my kids go or my husband, but hope that some day they join me.
I can't wait to see where this journey take me...
